Self-Love as a Verb
When being asked about relationships, what's the first type of relationship that comes to mind? I can guarantee that your answer would be friendships or romantic relationships. When we think about relationships we often don’t think of the relationship we have with ourselves. Yes, that inner self-love and inner work relationship. Utterly, this is the MOST important relationship in our life. It’s a foundation for our behaviors towards others, feelings about the future, and current decision-making choices.
As an educator, friend, sister, daughter, school social worker, tia (aunt), and therapist I have seen this relationship to be less of a priority to address. I conduct a healthy girls relationship group in a junior high school and they often express that “nobody talks about this kind of relationship and what we tell ourselves.” They identify their self-esteem as low more often than not. These teens express the messages they’ve received from others at a young age and it’s clear how much it has impacted their self-worth. It’s never too early or too late to start the work of nurturing inner self-love! It’s important to start this inner work relationship at a young age or as soon as you have some insight around it!
First, become more observant of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Notice if you have been isolating yourself, comparing yourself to others, or questioning life in general. Become more mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout the day. Keep a record of them in a journal or on your phone to keep track.
Next, intervene to stop negative thinking patterns and re-frame them with positive affirmations. It can be as simple as, “I am capable”, “I am worthy”, and “I got this.” MINDSET is everything! You spend most of your life inside your head...make it a nice place to be. Silence that negative inner bully with a positive encouraging affirmation. All these thinking patterns are most likely messages from childhood experiences that are unresolved or not yet processed. Everyone has experienced some type of trauma in their life and it reflects on current behaviors and self-judgement. It’s important to address and process that trauma as you begin your inner self-love work.
As you work on your relationship with yourself, embrace this journey and give yourself credit for having the courage to become more mindful of your own feelings! Check in with yourself and be okay with the unknown and the questions that will arise. Be open-minded and have an open heart while you break the negative cycle of a harsh inner critic.
Lastly, a supervisor once told me that life is not to be done alone and having a support system is essential through a healing journey to self-love. If it’s either deciding to reach out for professional help with a mental health therapist or a close friend who will actively listen without judgment, please do so. As I often tell my junior high school girls, this relationship of working on yourself is an everlasting one!
