Distress Tolerance for the Holidays
The holidays are approaching and we know how stressful that can be. Holiday shopping, preparations, tolerating challenging family situations, seasonal affective disorder, and even bad holiday memories can bring us great amounts of distress. Today I’d like to share a neat little tool that DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) taught me to help with distress tolerance called: ACCEPTS.
What is the ACCEPTS tool? Are you saying I should just accept my distress??? Actually ACCEPTS is an acronym to help us remember how to get through the holidays with a little more ease. These skills can actually be helpful during any time of year to get you through the stress so that you can resolve the situation when you are ready. The acronym stands for Activities, Contributions, Comparisons, Emotions, Push Away, Thoughts, and Sensations.
Activities can be any positive activity that can help get you through a negative emotion such as going for a walk, or talking to friends. If you’re in the holiday spirit you can do some fun holiday activities such as celebrating in traditions like shopping for gifts, spending time with family (or friends if family causes distress), making a gingerbread house, singing festive songs, etc. For people who don’t celebrate the holiday you can do other things such as going to a movie, listening to music, exercising, drawing, etc.
Contributions basically means doing something for someone out of kindness. It can range from buying a gift for someone you care about, giving to charity, helping out around the house, etc. Basically any act of service can be a nice way to refocus those negative emotions to something positive. The holidays are a great opportunity to use this skill.
Comparisons can be controversial because people may misinterpret this as comparing yourself to others to make yourself feel better, but that’s not the meaning in this case. Comparisons can be used to show gratitude for some privileges you have. Comparisons can also be used to note your growth in a positive way. Compare how much you’ve grown, improved mentally, or how you’ve nurtured a skill. Think of it as being thankful for your growth and what you have. The purpose of comparisons is to show you other perspectives.
Emotions is a skill that gets you to do the opposite of the negative emotion you’re feeling. For example, if you’re feeling sad you can listen to upbeat music or look at things that make you happy. If you’re angry watch things that you know will make you laugh. Try to invoke a different emotion than the negative one you’re experiencing by trying to do something that brings up a more positive emotion. You’d be surprised how well it may work for you!
Push Away means pushing away the negative emotion TEMPORARILY. You want to distract yourself from the negative emotion you’re feeling by pushing it away long enough to deal with it when you’re emotionally regulated. You can distract yourself by doing other ACCEPTS skills such as activities or contributions. The most important thing you have to remember with this skill is that it is temporarily pushing it away. You want to eventually revisit the distress and resolve it rather than avoid it forever.
Thoughts can be very similar to the Emotions Skill in that you’re trying to keep your negative thoughts busy and replacing them with other more positive thoughts. Maybe replace a negative thought by focusing on what you want to make for dinner or doing brain puzzles like sudoku!
Sensations is the last one and one of my favorites. You want to attend to your senses to help regulate or destress you. For example: touch something you like the feel of like a blanket or stuffed animal, taste some food you enjoy immensely, use your sight to watch your favorite show or play a video game, listen to music or a podcast you enjoy, get a bath bomb or your favorite perfume to take in the good smells, use some essential oils, lotions, or sprays, etc.
Remember if your holidays are a bit distressing you can always look at your ACCEPTS skills for ideas to help you get you through the holiday hard times!
