Is there such a thing as “the one?”

Most people love the idea that there is a person out there for them and one day they will just happen to cross paths and walk into the sunset together. It’s comforting to feel as if everything is planned out and we won’t accidentally miss our chance for happiness but how much of this is accurate? Of course, there’s no way to know for sure and depending on your religious or spiritual beliefs, your answer may look very different than someone else’s. I can, however, provide my insight which has been informed by both my personal and professional experiences.

The majority of the couples that end up in my office aren’t there because they ended up with the “wrong” person. These couples are just brave enough to seek help as usually a last-ditch effort to save their relationship. The couples that don’t make it often didn’t seek help early enough which resulted in too much harm done or it was too difficult to withstand the process of therapy. One of the well-known relationship therapist facts is that we tend to end up with people for a reason. Whether you believe that to be due to fate or our subconscious attempting to play out previous relationships to get some need met, I won’t judge. I always encourage people to explore how their current and past partners have fit into their life and what they take away from the relationship. We tend to have a spidey-sense that can sniff out people that fit our type (hence why you may always go for the bad girl or guy) and fulfill some challenge we need to conquer. You can, of course, attempt to dodge that person but you are likely to find them the next time.

Now let’s look at the positive qualities that could make up “the one.” From my personal experience, the one was a person I didn’t lose interest in (figure out what your “sign” is aka what’s different). This doesn’t mean my partner doesn’t annoy me often, we never fight, or he doesn’t have all the traits from the last paragraph because we have all those! But after we deal with all that, I still want to be with him and can see a future I want to live out. If you find a partner that hits every one of your triggers, the important part is that he/she/they are willing to work on their own stuff and the relationship. You don’t have to stay with someone that expects you to just deal with it. Relationships are hard work! In the end, find someone that you care about, who cares about you and is willing to do the work and you can have a fulfilling relationship that can turn into “the one.”