Healing From Infidelity

Infidelity: Healing the Trust

The 4 R’s are needed in order to begin the process of healing from infidelity

• Remorse: I feel bad about how my actions hurt my partner(s)

• Responsibility: The infidelity was my decision, I am not placing blame on my partner(s) for my actions

• Recognition: I see the ways in which I need to help my partner(s) heal from this experience

• Repair: I will work towards undoing the hurt, and the underlying patterns that led us to this happening

*Active infidelity is contraindicated in relationship work*

• Assessment prior to starting therapy or early on is important

• If an affair or infidelity is active, the person must be working towards separation as soon as possible

Do I have to give them my cellphone password?

• Different modalities have different answers to this question in healing work

• Jacqueline's take: Yes: Give them the password--For now. If transparency is the request from the hurt partner, then offering the password is part of the healing process, and steps towards rebuilding trust. However, I mention that this will be an ongoing assessment, because we do not want to create an ongoing parent/child or prisoner/warden dynamic. Explore the purpose of this tool and what the pros and cons could be in taking this step.