Boundary Setting During the Holidays
The holidays are coming, and although you may be looking forward to that delicious meal, some of you may be feeling the tension of dealing with your family. Members saying things that are invasive to how you choose to live your life, self-comparisons/others comparing you to how you aren’t measuring up to another family member or the overall rudeness from a relative and unspoken rules.
I know this time a year can be challenging.
I want to first say to all of you: self-love and self-care are essential in the upcoming holidays.
Honor yourself by creating peace in your space. Take time for yourself and doing something to rejuvenate in any way that feels right( take a bath, get your nails done or a massage, meditate or do yoga, have someone watch the kids for an hour or two to just be, go to the beach and put your feet in the sand or go on a solo hike).
When it comes to making plans for the holidays: tune in connect with yourself, and decide, “what do you want to do for the holidays?'' Do not go to a member’s house or celebration because you feel obligated to show up somewhere or there would be guilt and judgment projected onto you for not showing up. Take a deep breath and see where would I and my family be happiest? Remember the true meaning of these holidays is to connect and be in gratitude with our loved ones, if you feel going to your Aunt’s house, or In-Law’s or siblings’ doesn’t feel like a good time, do not do it! Honor yourself, this is your Holiday too. Create the space you want and share it with the individuals you enjoy.
If this seems out of reach for you or like something that feels unobtainable, here are some guidelines to help you set boundaries and self-care during the holidays:
How to Set Clear Boundaries:
Show up to the event when you feel it works for you, don’t spend more time there than you can handle.
Acceptance: Accept your family for who they are and how they show up
Say “no” if a family member asks you to take on a task and you feel overwhelmed already or feel you don’t want to do this task. Say no.
Get up and walk away: when a family member is not honoring you and who you are or is saying something hurtful. Say to them (“I love you, but that’s hurtful) and walk away from the room or person.
Don’t get trapped in the family story: since you have left your home, you have created and built your own belief system and independence. If you notice everyone around you begins to bring up opposite political views or harp on how difficult life is a.k.a family story being “life is hard” or “we don’t like different.” Don’t play into it, remove yourself from the story. If you are the mediator in the middle to balance your parents’ or sibling’s issues. Allow your siblings or parents to work it out amongst themselves. Step away from the chaos.
Appreciate the small things: family helping with dishes, kids connecting with relatives, moments of laughter, parents acknowledging something, receiving help with the cooking etc.
Honor yourselves and stay grounded and center within, be gentle, and find what works for you this season. Know you are special and deserve unconditional love. Create this sacredness within you and begin to separate from what doesn’t serve you. Hold yourself in expansion. Trust your intuition and move through this holiday session knowing you got this! I believe in you all and am sending you all many blessings, this season.
